Tag Archives: children

Are you marrying me to be my Wife or a Mother?

A few days ago, i wrote on my blog about a potential utility based economic theory to try and explain why women and men do what they do? Interestingly enough I ran today into an article by the “no nonsense man” Marc Rudov himself which confirms several of my own thoughts earlier. In this article Marc discusses the controversial topic of whether the arrival of children generally results in reduced happiness in the marriage and recommends that spouses should not subordinate one another for their children but instead keep each other number 1 on their priority list.

He also postulates that Women marry to have legitimate children and receive financial support for themselves and those children. I believe this because women bring 70% of divorces. Men, on the other hand, given the highly expected financial and child-custody losses, take huge matrimonial risk because they genuinely want to be married and to have families. There’s no other way to explain the respective nuptial decisions of men and women.

read the entire article here

Also read this very insightful piece in the American law and economics review trying to explain why women are mostly divorce filers

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NRI’s need to take responsibility for their children

Having a child is a choice and it is a responsibility that the parents have to bear, not someone else, not even your parents. Too many NRI’s seem to rely on their folks back in India to raise their children.

Excerpt from SEE THIS RECENT ARTICLE

“Hyderabad currently has over 1,000 such children who are US citizens by birth. Sources at the Telugu Association of North America (TANA), the largest body of American Telugus, say there could be over 5,000 such children in Andhra Pradesh. In the Greater Hyderabad area, a total of 1,510 US citizens are registered with the police out of which 70 per cent are children below four years. US passports apart, they hold persons of Indian origin cards”

As long as we continue to believe that marriages and children are something one needs to do at a certain stage in life but that children should not interfere with career and fun, we are doomed. Parents, especially fathers need to spend more time with their children, be actively involved in their upbringing, take the time out of work to participate in your child’s activities and influence the growth of your child. Don’t send them off to India to live with your parents until they are old enough to “not be a hassle”. That is shameful and such parents do not deserve to have children to begin with.

If such a father loses his children because of parental kidnapping, 498A don’t come a knocking talking about child rights and UNCRC because you are one that violated those in the first place

 

They Deserve to Live

When will this stop? Everyday media carry shocking stories of so many young kids taking the extreme step of ending their life. Then the blame game starts. Parents blame school; school blame parents or education system and we, the society will say ‘something should be done!! ‘ Then Government sets up a panel to find out ways to reduce burden or pressure on kids and life goes on…. As per a report almost 2500 kids end their life in a year in India due to pressures during exam and at the time of results.

Instead of making our children good and responsible citizens, we might be turning them into directionless human beings with no confidence in self or in society. Regularly by our actions and behaviour we hurt our kids so badly – not physically but mentally that they start having low self-esteem or self worth. They take out their anger by either hurting others like in case of recent spate of incidents among young schoolchildren across India or by hurting themselves.

The biggest surprise is the behaviour of parents in saying we don’t know why he/she acted like this! Why you are not involved in your kids life; giving them comfort, foreign holidays, gizmos is the only proof of a good parent? In return you want your kid to do well and succeed; with getting good marks the only indicator of success.

Recently we did a survey in a leading Gurgaon school of around 200 kids of Class VIII. The children, I believe, gave us honest feedback. They shared with us that the pressure of studies and managing parents/teachers as their biggest challenge. Around 70% of them are scared of their parents or teachers. These kids start spending more time away from parents – with peers, with TV, and on the internet. They are spending lesser and lesser time with parents. Some of their feelings about themselves and their other family members were both revealing and shocking.

We, many times unknowingly, pass on pressure of our own ambitions and aspirations onto these young kids. ‘It’s a competitive world; so every child should run – whether he or she can or not’. Teachers are under performance pressure of giving a ‘good result’ from ever demanding parents & school management, end up pressurizing the kids with loads of exams. Often the exam system tests children not on what he or she knows, but on what they don’t know!

On top of this, kids today are bombarded with too much information from movies, TV serials, internet, and newspapers. Some of this is not suitable for them. They are often confused and there is no one there to guide them what is right and what’s not. Very often our kids see us breaking the rules, which we expect them to follow.

While we all know the reasons – nuclear families, working parents, increasing consumerism, and so on – we still have not learnt how to handle our children who are soft and innocent like young saplings coming out of a seed. They need nurturing through love & care like we do for our new plants. They will be what ‘we’ will make them – we as parents, family elders and, teachers. Each small sapling needs lot of care when it is young. It will grow into a strong tree if taken care of well with right amount of water, soil and care.

The truth of today’s life is that we are all under pressure, and have less time to spend with family and children. Finding and managing time for this great cause is not difficult. There are lots of parents and teachers who are doing it successfully.

The solution lies in ensuring that our pressures are not passed onto our kids. The solution also lies in planning our lives in such way that despite our busy schedule, we are there with our children, when they need us. Let’s help the kids, to identify their ‘unique dreams’ and help them in achieving it by working on their strengths than focusing on their weaknesses.

So let’s start ‘doing’ something rather than just saying Aamir Khan’s ‘Taarey Zameen Par is a nice film and I was moved by it.

 Its time to nurture our young trees, our kids! Give them chance to live; let them live their childhood & enjoy it too!

By Puneet Rathi
Founder
Atmachetna
www.atmachetna.com

READ A RECENT ARTICLE IN THE NEWS HIGHLIGHTING THIS ISSUE

Ideology and Research Collide: Family Violence

A balanced and thorough story on the domestic violence industry

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A Dad’s Last Words to His Children